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me and 張晨 dissed at the same thing
do you know what Beijing people hate the most? stinginess. cheap behavior. what is considered cheap in beijing? stinginess when you order food. in beijing, my mother always ordered a lot of food if she had friends coming over from beijing. if you want to take people out for dinner, and if you want to save money, you may as well not take them to dinner cos it is actually doing you an anti flavor. if you originally try to take people out for dinner to win a deal, or win some he

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
3 hours ago2 min read


my Korean 선배 says...
I had a Korean 선배. His name is Joseph (Lee Jie). He was a grad student studying master at Columbia. He went to hamilton college for undergrad. He is very funny because he always says some funny things that don't make any sense. I think Koreans are very funny. Like they are so serious when they say trash. Like they mean it. Okay, so this 선배 right, he says his name is Lee Jie so he says he is a very observant and understanding person. He says he understands me very well cos he

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
6 hours ago3 min read


how did I end up with gordon?
So as I said, sophomore year, mingyu disappeared from my radar. I moved on with my life. Took classes at the engineering school. Worked on assignments. Earned money as the TA in the math department. I had like internships lining up and I went to all those recruiting events and stuff to hopefully get a job. I already knew I probably would major in IEOR, for a bunch of reasons I explained earlier. I actually told Kelly so many times that I like 張晨 and as I said, she didn't appr

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
7 hours ago5 min read


mingyu or gordon?
Actually, I worked so hard in high school that I felt like a machine. HK is very fast paced. And hectic. It was only through Columbia that I felt that I am finally human. Through living with my friends like Sammy and Kelly, that I felt I have a heart. That I have feelings. That I am a human with affections. I don't feel that in HK. I felt true friendships, I felt true love when I was with my friends at Columbia. Mingyu was like my 白月光. 可遠觀而不可褻瀆....Still that feeling of being

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
8 hours ago2 min read


mingyu disappeared from my radar
Even though he already went out with my friend, I still looked forward to all the events organized by KSA, all the meetings, model auditions, and outings and drinking sessions. I still think I would like to be around him, even as his gf's best friend. To be honest, I think I could not date him even if he asked me out in freshman year. I had a boyfriend. And even if I was single, he is too hot to be around me, plus he is a pre med. I noticed something. Mingyu never stood next

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
19 hours ago3 min read


mingyu can read me like a fax machine
One of the reasons why I like Mingyu is that he can read my mind. Without me telling him anything. Like we are in sync. But Gordon Park doesn't seem to really care. Or understand me on a deeper level. I think he is just a very jealous person. All he thinks about is whether I am in love with another person. But Mingyu seems to care about something a little less personal than that, like macro stuff. Very hard to explain. Whatever, maybe not. I just think that Mingyu is very obs

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
19 hours ago2 min read


that feeling when mingyu.....
I had a lot of memories with mingyu, as a friend, and as his gf's best friend. Our relationship is platonic, of course. But my secret admiration for him is consistent. I don't like to show my affections. So I guess, even as his gf's best friend, I am still okay. I like to be around him, even though he already went out with Sammy. Me and Sammy were like really good friends. We were not in competition or anything. I sincerely think that she should go out with him too. Maybe bec

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
20 hours ago5 min read


my true feelings
I went to an all girls school most of my life. But unfortunately, I had to go to college and I had a boyfriend at Yale. Even though it was long distance, it was unevitable that we had to spend weekends together. Therefore, we had to sleep together. I remember that feeling of intimacy with him. He is a sex addict. He has sex like eight days a week and he used me as a sex slave. I was just a hole to dissipate his sex drive and semens. And he liked to take pictures with me to br

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
1 day ago3 min read


never ending fantasy
Sammy took me to get a fake ID during orientation week. But it was so fake that I never got to use it. Sammy and I were really good friends. We ate together. We went to class together. She cooked for me when I had cramps. She took me to those Korean convenience stores to get microwavable rice. I told her my hands were so cold that my skin kinda cracked. She immediately bought me a pair of gloves from Gap. I have never been treated this nice by any friends in HK. I grew up in

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
1 day ago4 min read


my secret crush
So I am going to share a bit of information regarding whom I have liked for a long time. As you may know, I am actually a super shy and introverted person. The reason for this is becos I live in a very chaotic and competitive environment. I don't like to express my feelings, my likings, my love, my admiration. Because once it is exposed, it may very soon be taken away from me, due to heavy competition. I have never shared this deepest secret of mine until like really recently

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
1 day ago4 min read


Would attraction suffice?
A few days ago, when I was about to get up in the morning, a few words just popped up in my mind, like out of the blue. Would attraction suffice? The type of guys I am attracted to hasn't changed since the age of 3, at least for me. I still like the same type of guys. My first ever crush was my fiance, Oliver. He was a skater boy. He talks and walks like a black dude. Wealthy, good looking, not nerdy and much taller than me. Like an older brother. We used to meet every week.

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
4 days ago2 min read


請至少做一個像男人的男人(一百四十一)
我要多謝我的其中一個好友。 我在李寶春的時候,其實朋友並不是很多。 我的李寶春朋友大部分都是瑪利諾的校友,包括我的同房,還有 Mandy Ho 和梅景欣。 我和她們並不是出雙入對的,因為我們住在不同的宿舍大樓裡。 其中,梅景欣同學尤其誇張。她有一個男朋友,名字叫 Pierre,他是一個住在港大附近的低密度住宅和修讀法律系的筍盤。他畢業自聖保羅男校,梅景欣同學幾乎和他是每天共對。每一次我和梅景欣出街的時候,她都說很想念她的男友。她和男友幾乎是完全不分開的。她為了和 Pierre 一起升學英國,幾乎不怎麼花心思在美國大學的報名程序上,所以她在美國報名程序上,可謂全軍覆沒,一所大學都沒有考進。她的履歷其實相當亮麗。 她是一個從德望轉到瑪利諾的女生。她的爸爸是公務員。他們一家住在荃灣。由於她爸爸是公務員,所以她有英國護照。她去英國讀書的話,幾乎是不用付錢的。但是英國的住宿費也很貴啊。她好像都負擔得了,證明她還是有點錢的。 她是瑪利諾的田徑選手。可以說是文武雙全。 她的樣子也很漂亮,尤其以狀元的標準來說。放榜那天,我們都同時上了東方日報頭版。但是,她是大頭

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
Jun 73 min read


請至少做一個像男人的男人(一百四十)
我不知道為什麼何美賢會選擇在卡內基梅倫大學修讀電腦。 可能,她覺得我想修讀電腦? 我也不知道為什麼何美賢現在到處搞畫展。 可能,她覺得我想搞畫展? 其實,我從來沒有過當畫家或者擺畫展的理想,因為我知道我不會畫畫。 但是,我很喜歡看畫展。 還記得,當年是大學四年級,我要選擇修讀藝術或者音樂。這是哥倫比亞大學的核心課程,不可以 opt out,我一定要二選一,選一個。因為我不會音樂,也蠻討厭古典音樂的,所以我就選擇了修讀藝術歷史。 我很喜歡這門課。這門課需要我們去紐約下城的 metropolitan museum 和 guggenheim museum 去實地參觀。回來,要寫感想。 當時我經歷了一個暑假的投資銀行生活,我覺得會計、投資銀行部實在不是人做的工作。也有點懷疑我是否選錯了專業,但可幸的是,當時我還修了一門藝術。我覺得藝術課和會計師,是兩個對立的工作,是相反的。我這才意識到原來藝術是那麼的舒壓,簡直就是我當時感覺混沌的一個出口和迷濛中的答案。 藝術講究主觀,和讀理工科的我,完全是 spectrum 中的另一端。我討厭極了那些 excel sp

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
May 233 min read


請至少做一個像男人的男人(一百三十九)
我想在此澄清一點,那就是,我不會畫畫。 我說過很多次,我沒有特別技能。 我不會看五線譜,不會畫畫,也不會琴棋書畫。我不打機。空餘時間,我只喜歡 do nothing,與朋友吹水,和看電視。 我說過很多次,嘉諾撒聖方濟各的成績表,只有中英數、社會、科學、健教有分數。 音樂、體育、藝術,只有 ABCD。它們的分數,不會算進去總分。 所以,在課餘時間,我做完功課以後,就 relax and chill。 我不會沒事找事來做,我不會溫習功課,我不會多做練習。學校叫我做多少題,我就做多少題。不會多,也不會少。從小到大,我都不是成績拔尖的人。但我承認,我是一個好學生。我是風紀、班長。學校叫我做的,我會做;學校叫我不要做的,我也不會做。我通常都按時交功課,除非功課不計分數。我的所有成績,從小學到大學,大部分都是 A-C,也就是七十分以上。我從來沒有拿過 D,除了會考的英語口語和中文作文以外,不要問我為什麼,我也不知道。 我所有的默書、小測、考試,都是七十分以上的。即便是我最不喜歡的科目,我也是拿七十分以上的。我不是一個對自己要求很高的人,但是,我上課會聽書,功

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
May 203 min read


請至少做一個像男人的男人(一百三十八)
一直以來,我都沒有過愛情的感覺。 什麼是愛情? 其實,我也不知道。 我只知道,社會要求我們女生嫁出去。適當的時候,應該認識男生,然後談戀愛。到了適婚年齡,我就應該結婚、生孩子。 社會都有一套既定模式。 曾經何時,我也覺得,我會結婚的。我應該找一個白領之類的男生,然後結婚。住在港島,生了孩子以後,負責照顧小朋友。 我曾經,覺得這就是我要的生活。因為我的社會就是這種工廠式的流水線倒模。每個人都是這樣過日子的。我覺得,我應該會結婚的,可能是聖保羅男女的同學,也可能是華仁的校友。 反正,我覺得這種生活,不能說是非常幸福,但是,也不是完全遙不可及。 所以,我一直認為,我和其他人沒有區別。 什麼時候我開始改變的呢? 我覺得是從哥倫比亞大學的第一年級開始。 自從 Jason 介紹我認識 Gordon Park 以後,其實一開始,對他沒有什麼深刻印象。但是他有時候會出現在 Jason 的生日派對,我覺得他有點意思。到了後來,我在健身室看見他。我覺得他很有型,身形也很標準。但是,我也沒有要追求他的意思。只是純粹覺得他外型很突出而已。 後來,在學校的時裝表演,我在台

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
May 173 min read


請至少做一個像男人的男人(一百三十七)
I have a confession to make. 在我和初戀許卓雄拍拖的期間,他經常帶我去篤波。 那是在皇室堡的樓上,有幾個桌球室。那裡很多人抽煙。 他帶我去,主要是因為他很喜歡打桌球。 不知道為什麼聖保羅男女的同學好像都有很多技能。 比如說,不會任何樂器和唱歌的許卓雄,其實空餘時間,都在篤波。 他好像已經拿了加拿大全國第一的一等獎。 他帶我去打桌球的時候,桌球室裡的人都認識他。看來,他是經常去。 我那時候是第一次去這種地下桌球室。 說實在的,聖保羅男女的同學蠻多黑社會的。我和 Tracy、鄺敏慧出去唱 k 的時候,他們經常會叫一些校外的朋友一起加入。他們很多都是不務正業,或者是有黑社會背景的。 許卓雄就更不用說啦,他叫他朋友打電話給我,說他爸爸是黑社會老大。 我的哥哥也是黑社會。 所以,我沒有什麼排斥。 但說實在的,嘉諾撒聖方濟各的同學好像正氣很多。每一次我回去母校,都有一股被神殿的光所罩著的感覺。可能是因為小時候住在星街,經常疑神疑鬼,那邊陰氣很重。但,自從點了些聖水之後,就完全沒有頭痛的感覺。我覺得很神奇,所以,每當我覺得有陰氣的時

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
May 173 min read


請至少做一個像男人的男人(一百三十六)
至於為什麼我沒有搶著打麻將呢? 主要是因為,那是他大學朋友的聚會,我不好意思和他們一齊打牌。我並不是那種大殺四方的雀友,但始終是他朋友的聚會,我只是出於身份的原因,沒有不把自己當外人而已。 其實我到了大學的時候,喜歡的活動已經改變了。 我喜歡看球賽,看外國電視劇(韓國、台灣的,而不是 tvb 的)。我不怎麼喜歡打牌了。我喜歡美國的電視節目,喜歡聽外國的歌,而不是廣東歌。我其實,不怎麼喜歡去他的朋友聚會,所以沒有怎麼出聲。 但是,田雞他對我有很多幻想。 他覺得,我是為了小鳥依人般待在他身邊,好讓他有大男人的感覺,所以一直在他身邊看他打麻將。 沒有,我只是純粹不喜歡這些港式的活動而已,所以不怎麼參與。我其實不怎麼喜歡這種港式的聚會。因為我已經出國了好幾年了,我已經不是中學時期的那個懵懂的我了。 你們有沒有看台灣綜藝節目《黑澀會美眉》? 在《黑澀會美眉》中,很多黑澀會美眉,會在一旁坐著不出聲,然後旁聽,等主持人叫他們說話才說話。反正,這些黑澀會美眉很被動就是了。 其實我在聖保羅男女的時候也是差不多。我不怎麼喜歡出聲。就算上台表演戲劇,我也是做沒有對白的

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
May 133 min read


請至少做一個像男人的男人(一百三十五)
許卓雄很喜歡以他的智商和成績,作為他的擋箭牌。 出了什麼狀況,第一時間,他沒有反省自己。而是把責任推在我身上,說那是因為我成績好,歧視他留班,會考成績不好。 是不是,成績不好,留班的人,就可以以成績作為擋箭牌,肆無忌憚地對他人進行傷害呢? 這個值得我們深思。香港男人在我心目中,都是一個小孩,沒有擔當,只懂得推卸責任。 同樣地,田雞也有一樣的問題。 出了什麼問題,第一時間,田雞也是出現 defensive 的狀況。他沒有真正檢視過自己的問題所在,而是把所有問題,推在我身上,說我因為嫌他窮,所以分手。 其實,這樣子推卸責任,很爽皮。基本上,所有自己的錯,就可以一抹而過,一筆勾銷了。 這就是為什麼我不喜歡港男的原因。 我也是在香港出生和長大的,但是經歷了和田雞、許卓雄兩個人的戀愛關係,我對於香港男人徹底失去了信心。我想起香港的男人,就想嘔。就是這麼抗拒,就是那麼覺得難受,就是那麼反感。別問我為什麼,是生理反應,控制不了。我想,我要多謝我的老公,如果不是他,我曾經懷疑過我是否一名同性戀。 許卓雄和田雞對於我,不甚瞭解。 他們對我有很多幻想,很多不真實的幻

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
May 133 min read


請至少做一個像男人的男人(一百三十四)
你知道,許卓雄、何美賢和田雞很喜歡嘲笑我什麼嗎? 大學放假回來香港時,我經常和何美賢他們一起去蹦迪。 她經常叫我穿那些低腰到不行的喇叭牛仔褲。 我穿了。 然後,他們叫我跳舞。 我也跳了。 那條低腰褲,很低腰。 一跳,就露了底褲。 後來,田雞索性不說我露底。他說我露毛。 他連我的學校也一起嘲笑。 我曾經跟他說過,哥倫比亞大學的校訓是 "in lumine tuo videbimus lumen"。 英文的意思是:"in thy light shall we see light" 中文的翻譯是:「借汝之光,得見光明」 田雞乾脆連我全家全學校一起嘲笑。 他說,哥倫比亞大學的光,就是我的陰毛! 穿 miss sixty 低腰褲,我被他說成是露毛小姐!他說,就我這種料子,別去什麼 TVB 選港姐了,還沒有到初選,就被人發現我滿身都是毛,我會成為全香港人恥笑的對象。 所以,田雞瞧不起的,不只是我,還有我的小學、中學、預科書院、大學、第一份工作、我的曾總老闆、我的雇主、我的第一份暑期工。所有,通通,都是田家豪取笑的目標和笑料。他開心了很多年啊。 嗯,嗯。 對的

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
May 123 min read


請至少做一個像男人的男人(一百三十三)
許卓雄、何美賢和田雞還有一個特點。 就是,很喜歡研究性器官。 而且很喜歡比較性器官。 我說過,許卓雄喜歡鬥大啫,何美賢喜歡鬥大胸。 而田雞呢? 喜歡研究女性陰部的濕潤度。 真的。 這三個人的智商就如此。 鬥來鬥去,都是在圍繞別人的性器官,進行比較,然後自我感覺良好,再互相攻擊。 我真的沒有見過這麼幼稚又這麼色情的成年人。 許卓雄喜歡炫耀大鵰,何美賢喜歡穿低胸衣服和低腰褲。田雞喜歡評論我的下體。還喜歡偷影裙底。 田雞多次揚言:「我太靚仔了,靚仔到流 gap 水!」 嗯。他很喜歡評論我的陰部。 從何美賢叫我穿 juicy 的這件事就知道,他們對於我的下體濕潤度有著很大的好奇。 他們覺得我的下體濕潤,是因為他們很有吸引力,靚仔到我流 gap 水。 真的,別以為什麼 band 1 學校,什麼華仁、聖保羅男女這些一線名校,就很多聰明人。其實,說白了,都是一幫白痴在圍威喂。 我有沒有跟你說過? 其實,以前的我,不喜歡跳舞。 在李寶春的時候,很多拉丁美洲的同學叫我學跳舞,也邀請我去蘭桂坊夜蒲。我的同學 Ivan 經常在我面前喝醉酒,然後說英文。我不喜歡去蘭桂坊

Amanda L © Leung Yuk Yiu
May 113 min read
今生不再《玻璃之城》主題曲
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